Monday, August 27, 2012

The Taste of Joy in the Salt of My Tears

Do you know how it is when you get busy with life and distractions and you realized you've put something off for days? Yeah, that's pretty much what happened with me. Today my husband asked "Have you posted anything on your blog lately?" Oops! I honestly didn't know he was missing it. Anyways...It's just been a crazy, fun, busy week. So much is changing. I guess that's a sure sign fall is on it's way. School started last week, Jaden started soccer, I had a job interview, we attended a cookout with Andy's family, and there are some awesome changes going on at church.

That being said. I have been super emotional. I mean, I may as well have a tissue in my hands all the time. It's been a crazy roller coaster couple of weeks. Usually when I cry it's not in public so much...unless I'm at church. Then the dam breaks every now and again. The guys at church always tease me about being a crier. Usually, I hold it together...but sometimes, I just well up and the tears come. Like, I seriously should figure out a way to install a tissue box on my mic stand.

So, why do we cry? I mean...yeah we are under stress and that is part of it. Some of my tears lately have been a direct result of stress or being upset about something. Sometimes though, it's for no reason at all (that I know of). Other times they are tears of joy or sometimes even worship and surrender. It's hard to define.

Sunday at church, well it was amazing. We can plan all we want to, but sometimes God just throws in that little surprise that shakes us up and moves us to worship. That's kind of what happens to me when I sing and tears come. Sometimes, I just get so caught up and wrapped up in how Amazing God is and what He is doing in my life. Sometimes I can't just sing...I don't know how else to explain it. It's like my throat closes up and all I can do is let the tears flow and I have little to no control over it. I can say this. God always does something incredible in those moments. I walk away so completely full and refreshed.

In the past I've been told that I should "tone it down" and "don't cry so much" or to "get a hold of myself." If I were to be completely honest, I would tell you that I've tried. In no way do I want to stand in front of people bawling and letting my makeup and snot run everywhere! Nope, not at all. You can ask my husband and he will tell you that even at home when I cry I prefer to hide my face. There is nowhere, and no way to hide when I'm on a stage singing and the tears come.

He created me that way. I can't define it, but for some reason, God has put this propensity for tears into my life. The bible says that we are created in His image. I'm also reminded of the scripture that nearly every one learns by preschool age (because it's the shortest). The Lord understands how it feels to cry.

"Jesus Wept" John 11:35

It makes sense in a way. Tears are cleansing and they are evidence of our heart's cry for Him. I remember this chorus from an old southern gospel song.

Your tears are touching God when you cry them from your heart. Yes he knows when you're broken inside. Inside there's a feeling, only God knows the burdens that you bear and your tears are touching God when you cry.
It's like opening up every part of me and letting God work on the parts that need fixing or letting him take care of whatever burden is there. Everything that needs to go is washed away and the only thing that remains is Joy. The rest of the people in the room are like spectators in the operating room gallery. I think in those moments it's not just me God is working on, sometimes the tears are for someone else entirely and I may not even know it. But God does and the result is the same.

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy." Psalm 126:5

"Joy, must be sharply distinguished both from Happiness and Pleasure. Joy has indeed one characteristic, and one only, in common with them; the fact that anyone who has experienced it will want it again...I doubt whether anyone who has tasted it would ever, if both were in his power, exchange it for all the pleasures in the world. But Joy is never in our power and pleasure often is." C.S. Lewis  

"In Your presence is fullness of Joy!" Psalm 16:11

"For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." Psalm 30:5

The tears may come, but they are only temporary. God wants us to be filled with Joy and that's exactly what we get when we let go and allow ourselves to be broken before Him and cry out in surrender. If getting all snotty and gross in front of everyone is what it takes to get me closer to God. I'll take it. I'll say this to you...if God gets a hold of you and the tears come...just go with it. Don't be afraid to surrender no matter where you are or who is around you. I promise, that when you let go and let God pick up your broken pieces you will experience JOY!

1 comment:

  1. Ann,
    When the tears flow in Church.. It is wonderful.... You are so overly filled with the holy spirit that you let it show. I wish others "to include myself" would let the holy spirit take control instead of hindering the spirit when we worship. Praise God for your love and JOY.....