Thursday, December 13, 2012

The only way to fix a crumbly to let it Break.

Fantastically blessed...that is in fact what I am. Aren't we all? Just the act of breathing is a blessing in itself. It should be easy to follow God, to stand in the face of trials, to train our focus solely on Him. We however are weak, we can't do it alone. Just as we should come to Him freely like children, so also can we (if we allow ourselves) be distracted like a child noticing the sparkling pebble on the beach rather than the coming wave. Even a gift from God can be distracting....How? Let me tell you.

First off I must apologize to those who read and support this blog. I should never have neglected to post for such a long time. Long story short...Andy and I are expecting a child this coming spring. Fantastically blessed right? I'd like to say we planned it. We did, to an extent. We planned to stop preventing pregnancy in August. WE thought it would take a while, God had other plans. Five weeks later we were announcing the news. I felt amazing! I was certain this pregnancy was going to be easy. Since that time, we've been to the ER three times, I've been put on medication for nausea, practically stopped working due to rest restrictions, and we've seen our precious little miracle 5x via ultrasound.

If you ask my husband he would no doubt agree that I do not make a good sick person. I'm not grumpy, but I am whiny. Going from working full time to barely holding down food, well I didn't take it so well. Instead of finding joy in this season of life that I am in, I started thinking of myself as sick and I couldn't wait for it to end. I was terrified that something would go wrong with the pregnancy. I was missing church, losing my focus, and I had a terrible case of the "Poor Me's." Dangerous territory....
For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.
                                                                                             Romans 1:21
 I was struggling miserably. I had so much support from family and friends and for that I'm thankful, but inside I was crumbling. How could I sing, how could I blog or minister to others when some days I wasn't up to lifting my head from the pillow? I felt so far away from God. Physically broken and mentally worse. I let how I felt distract me from what and where I should be.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
                                                                                         Colossians 3:17
"Whatever you do...." Yep, that means even on the days that I'm not feeling so good and the only thing I get done is to get out of bed or maybe not even that. Every moment of life should be spent giving  thanks, doing whatever I can for the Glory of the Lord. No one likes to be ill, no one likes to feel broken for any reason, but what if we could use that brokeness to minister to someone else? What if we let God use our battles (no matter what it might be) to reveal Himself to others?

I was hiding behind walls that I put up....fear, anger, depression, worry, feeling alone....but I wasn't alone. My heart was crying out and just like always even when I didn't have the words, God knew what I needed to hear. I was watching a television show when I heard this song and everything I was holding in broke apart......

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
                                                                                      Matthew 11:28-29

Rest...I already feel better. In the past week I've been finding such wonderful rest in Him. I've been recieving so much encouragement from friends online. I've also been introduced to a new ministry for women that is nothing short of amazing. I'm so excited to be a part of it and I will share more soon. God's timing is perfect and His ways are perfect. I recieved just what I needed at just the right time and you can too...

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul
                                                                                    Deuteronomy 4:29 

1 comment:

  1. Well, I clicked through my referrals to see where my traffic is coming from and find some sweet news there! Congratulations! So many of my friends have had difficult pregnancies with HG, like you, that I feel kinda guilty over my easy ones. You ladies are heroes. I know you don't *feel* very heroic, right? Hang in there. Praying for you right now.