Looking past the Labels

Today's post is a bit earlier than normal. I'm just bubbling over with JOY today with the blessing of new friendship. I want to share something I've learned with you. What a blessing it is to have Friendship in our lives! CS Lewis wrote, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” But how often are we missing that moment and missing the blessings that follow?

So many times we allow a "reputation," labels, appearances, or a comment made by another person to color our perception of another people before we even meet them. As a result we don't extend to them the trust or love that we should. We put up walls before there is even a reason for them, without reason or merit. 

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12

A commandment! That doesn't mean we aren't to be cautious about who we befriend (lest we be led astray). It does mean that we should extend the same courtesy that Christ does to us when meeting and dealing with others. We never know how an act of kindness or an offer of friendship will change our lives. 

"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:2

This past year I've learned a thing or two about the extension of kindness and how important it is to not allow "Labels" to influence how I treat people. Case in point...my husband.

Andy and I went to the same high school. At that time we didn't really know each other at all....no impressions, no labels. A few years later, I was in an abusive marriage with two children  (in the process of divorce). At that time, Andy and I were working together at the same restaurant, I worked up front while he worked the grill. I let labels influence how I treated him. A friend of mine put it clearly when she described him this way "he is zany and goofy and people write him off." That's exactly what I did! I wrote him off, and I treated him horribly. Here is an example.

 My husband is so incredibly passionate about his involvement with the fire department. It's no secret. At the time he and I worked together, he had just joined the FD. He was super excited and "gung ho" about it. That's all he talked about. My home was in the same "district" as the department he's a part of. I can vividly remember standing by the warmer on busy days while waiting for an order to be made and saying, "I thought firemen were supposed to be fast, if you can't make a sandwich faster than that, then I hope I never need to call the FD to my house!"

 HORRIBLE!!!!!! Just writing it brings me to tears. No one, deserves to be treated that way! I can't believe he ever considered me as a friend let alone dated me after that!

For years afterward I followed the same judgemental path. Andy and I got along as friends of a sort but I still didn't take him seriously. August 5th of 2011 (yes just a year ago) he and I became friends on Facebook and my perception changed. I'm so thankful that God opened my eyes to how wrong I was, and yes I have since apologized to Andy for how mean I was in the past.  

My point about labels and friendship doesn't just apply to my spouse though. I'm beginning to think of this past year as a time for new friendship. I've been blessed to develop closer friendships with so many acquaintances I had "written" off. Many because I didn't feel we would have anything in common. It saddens me to think of the time I've missed and the friendships I've lost and missed out on because my heart was hard to others. I can't change how I've behaved in the past but I can change how I respond in the future.

"But that is not the way you learned Christ!—assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds,and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:20-24

I'm so glad that God offers us the opportunity to put on a "new" self and walk in his Grace. I'll be much more aware of the possibility of friendship in the future. I will rejoice for the friendships I have and those yet to come.

"Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel." Proverbs 27:9

And I'll leave you with this quote:

"But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

A Father's Love

It's been a long day, or at least it seems that way. Andy and I were awakened at 4am by Abby after she had a nightmare. It was one of those that nightmares that is vague and not quite real enough to describe but terrifying. She wouldn't stop crying last night. This evening, well you guessed it, she won't go to bed. We're working on it.....

Last night didn't turn out the way a normal middle of the night awakening would. I felt an urgency in my heart, that what Abby needed was to stay awake and just spend time with me talking. I have failed my children so many times and in so many ways. Last night though, I think I got it right.

We talked about lots of things, random things, but things that she needed to get off her chest. Most importantly I had the chance to really apologize for the past. My little girl is growing...so quickly. She's desperately searching for love and she desperately needs to know that she is cared for. Don't we all feel that way though?

This precious child has never really known what it's like to have a Dad who loves her and who longs to spend time with her. Andy is trying to bridge that gap. I've encouraged him to find ways to spend time with her. With Jaden it's been easy for him to find ways to communicate. Not so with Abby, so he's been working on including her when running errands, and in daily conversation.

Last night, Abby asked me if she could take Andy's last name as her own. Step-parent adoption is something that Andy and I have discussed and are praying about. Andy wants to be the kid's father in every way, but he also wants them to want to be adopted. We haven't approached the kids with the idea and yet they keep bringing it up on their own. Last night, I explained a little bit about how adoption works and what it would mean to Abby. She still wanted to, so I told her it would be best if she talked to Andy about it as well (she'd only talked to me privately).

After talking with her, I witnessed what I can only imagine might be an illustration of how God longs to have us come to him. My daughter went to the kitchen and tentatively asked my husband. "Can I be adopted?" His response was "Who would be adopting you?" She pointed to him and smiled and then he wrapped his arms around her and said "Of course I would love to adopt you, Papa loves you Abby."

As I sat there crying watching her curl up in his lap, it occurred to me how simple it is for those of us who are searching for love to find it. We simply have to accept the love that our Heavenly Father is longing to give us. Just like my husband, he is waiting to be asked. He is waiting for us to open up and allow him to lavish us with his love and to guide us and correct us as we grow. I won't be posting scriptures along with this post because I don't think I could possibly explain how the Father loves us any better than He who has written the ultimate love letter to his children. So I will leave you with this link...I pray that you will read it and know how truly LOVED you are.

Father's Love Letter

After His Heart

Wow, what an exciting week! I'm typing that joyfully because God is using this blog to bring about some changes here in our home and in my heart. The biggest change for me has been accountability. I don't know who is reading this blog, I'm not sure that it even matters. I do know though that I need to keep posting because I feel the need to spend time in the Word each day before I post. I did miss yesterday because Saturday nights I have practice at church. We always have fun in worship at practice and yesterday was no exception.

Today I've been reading about serving and submission. I have to say....even as I write this I'm screwing up. God is working on me, and I'm learning....slowly.

I want more than anything for our marriage to be as God designed it to be. I want to learn how to be the wife that God has called me to be to my husband. I also want to earnestly seek the Lord and build my relationship with Him. I've been reading a book by Elizabeth George titled A Woman After God's Own Heart. I've been expanding on the chapters I read by searching more in depth into the relative scriptures in my bible and attempting to follow the challenges in the book. Today mostly focused on Ephesians 5.

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." Ephesians 5:22

^"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33

The author in the book I've been reading put it this way. The scriptures say we are to submit to our husbands as we would to the Lord. By submitting to the man God blessed me with, I'm actually honoring God! Modern thinking has so many women struggling with submission. Society (and the devil) wants us to believe that submitting to our husbands is outdated thinking. God designed marriage with the husband at the head for a reason. It's not my job to question that, it's my job to trust that God is using Andy and his decisions to fullfill his purpose for our family. I'm working on it....old habits die hard so they say. I believe that God can show me how to follow his instructions and I want to follow them. Today showed me that it's not hard to submit, and it's also not hard to screw up.

One of the challenges I read today about submission instructed women to respond positively to their husbands by. A. saying nothing (if you have something negative to say) B. responding with a single positive word. In the midst of my reading this chapter my husband asked me a question. My single word response was "Ok." That simple little word led to an absolutely wonderful afternoon with my husband. We've had such fun talking and hanging out today. I love it! I love being married to my best friend. Most people who know me also know that this is not my first marriage. It is however, the first time I have every felt so lighthearted and so much like a newlywed is expected to feel.

I did screw up today though, a few minutes ago to be exact. I have such a hard time with writing sometimes. I can't concentrate with distractions, and as I began writing this post my husband turned on the radio. I will confess that I was a bit snappy and the atmosphere completely changed as soon as the words were out of my mouth. It's kind of like baking I guess. Sometimes a little too much or too little of one ingredient can spoil the whole batch. Things can be going so well and then one small word can change everything.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

 Proverbs 15:1

My tone was harsh....and I was shown just how quickly all of my attempts at respect and submitting can be undermined. A teaching moment no doubt. I was quick to apologize to my husband and he quick to forgive. He's such a sweet heart and such a goofball. The old fashioned country he put on wasn't intended to grate on my nerves at all. It had a different purpose all together. He wanted to dance with me in our kitchen! ( How many blessings do we miss out on by being unkind to our spouse?) He told me as we danced to an old Willie Nelson song, "I like old country because...back then they really knew how to write a good love song."

I think, no....I know that my husband is right. There is nothing wrong with an "Old fashioned" kind of love. That's part of what this whole idea of doing a retro home is about. We don't want a modern home with "modern" morals. We want to embrace the plan God has for our marriage like our Grandparents did. I can certainly work on submission and service because I've been blessed with a husband who loves me! I have to let him be who God wants him to be.....and I have to learn to be who I need to be and I'm longing to be known as A Woman After God's Own Heart.

Brinner Biscuits and the importance of Bread.

Supper time....It's been a few hours. I'm starting to enjoy the time afterwards. Once the dishes are done I can get some "me" time. Remember how I said that I needed more time in the Word? I'm thinking those after supper hours might be just the right time. The kids are getting ready for bed and winding down and Andy takes his turn with the laptop. I can read and think a bit. Tonight, I was reading and I thought about biscuits.

We had breakfast for dinner this evening. Brinner is what my husband calls it. I'm in need of a trip to the grocery store and the options were.....slim. That's how brinner made it's way to the table. Bacon, eggs, hash browns and biscuits were on the menu tonight because that's what was in the cupboard to make. Biscuits are a go-to meal stretcher in this house.

I love making biscuits. I use the recipe my Mama gave me. It's not really much of a recipe, just a list of ingredients that you "eyeball" to get the right amounts. I couldn't give you measurements if I tried and even though they are pretty good, I haven't quite matched my Mom's version yet.

There is something about cooking from scratch that I love. It's a feeling you get when you have dough up to your elbows and flour on your face. It's an expression of Love to me. There is truth in the old story about Mom's secret ingredient being Love. It is, and it isn't a secret at all. Love is pretty much what it's all about anyways. The scripture says:

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

Love, especially God's love is Powerful. We know this because He sent his Son so that we might live. So that we could have eternal life. This past Sunday was Communion Sunday. Abby and Jaden, after coming to the Lord and being baptised, finally got a chance to participate in the Lord's Supper. I loved how simply the message explained to them, and to the adults present what it was all about. As children we learn that the Bread represents the Body of Christ, and we are instructed to remember.

That's what happened when I was making the biscuits. I remembered the Bread. The Body that was broken for us.

"And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst." John 6.35

Bread is a pretty big deal when you think about it. We are so richly blessed today that bread is taken for granted. Why did Jesus compare himself to bread? Simply because it's essential, bread is a staple in nearly any culture. It's a penny stretching meal that sustains us when there's no meat to be had. I read a quote in one of Christy Jordan's posts recently where she was talking about the depression and something her Grandmother had said.

“Mama always said many a family would have starved to death back

then if not for biscuits and gravy.”

The bread was their salvation. Just as bread is essential to our physical body (the preventor of starvation and death you might say), Jesus is essential to our spiritual body, the bread that nourishes our very souls. I'm never going to look at a batch of biscuits the same way again. 

The best part is, the love doesn't have to stop with our family or our church. Most cooks I know tend to make just a bit too much and there is always enough to share. I'm always delivering biscuits to someone when I make them because we always have extra. In the same way, God wants us to share the Bread of Live by sharing the Love of Christ. We don't have to worry about running out of Bread. There is always enough. He's up to his elbows in biscuit dough waiting to feed the hungry masses. We just have to invite them over for Brinner.

An Ounce of Prevention.

It's kind of funny how when you think no one is paying attention they are. I wasn't sure anyone was reading until my Mama asked me where today's post was. Here it is almost 9pm and I'm just now sitting down to write. To be honest, I wasn't even sure what to write about. Then, like other times, it comes...that still small voice, the spark of an idea, or a thought that comes from the Lord. "Write about this...." Honestly though, my answer is as always, "but Lord, I don't even know where to go with that?" It doesn't stop there though, because there it is again, that little nudge that says "Just start writing and it will come." Remember a few days ago when I talked about how He directs our paths? Yep, it's kind of like that. So here it is, our topic for today: Rust.

Rust has been on my mind daily this week. In preparation for this move, we have been blessed with so many things. A table, chairs, and cabinets just to name a few. (I will no doubt talk about each of them individually at some point). So what's the common denominator these blessings share? They are all experiencing various stages of rust.

Rust requires three things to occur. Iron, oxygen, and moisture react and cause the unsightly corrosion we call rust. Generally, we associate rust with neglect. Like most problems we face, it's best to prevent it before it becomes an issue. Sometimes though, we acquire an item that hasn't been loved for a while. Something that is a little corroded and in need of tender loving care. I'm thinking maybe that's how we look when we come to the Lord.....sometimes we have rusting hearts.

David wrote "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."  Psalm 51:10

David was called a Man after God's own heart. Still he screwed up, he was human, and he got caught up in sin. In the Psalm 51 he was earnestly pleading to the Lord to remove the rust in his life. Remember what I said about prevention? Rust doesn't occur overnight. It starts small, a bubble here and there under the paint.

 In our lives it's the same. Maybe we were offended by something another person said. Maybe in the midst of temptation we thought "It's ok, to compromise now, because no one will know." Perhaps our friendships are leading us down a road we shouldn't be on, or we've simply slacked in our daily time with the Lord. Whatever it is in our lives that starts the corrosion be it spiritual neglect, sin, or unforgiveness: when allowed to continue....it's gonna rust.

Rust isn't easy to remove either. I've been doing my research and in order to restore the items I have, it's going to take work. Lots of time, and lots of elbow grease, and steel wool. Some of the rust is so bad that to remove it, it may need to be cut out. Sounds painful right? It is. When we have rust in our life it's probably gonna take a little time and maybe even some pain to remove it. If we let it go, rust will eventually bring death. The good news is that there is hope.

"When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"—and you forgave the guilt of my sin." Psalm 32: 3-5

HE IS THERE! Ready and waiting to remove the rust from our lives. That's not to say that we don't need to put forth some effort too. First and foremost we have to acknowledge the issue.We can ask the Lord to remove whatever is rusting in us and draw strength and restoration from him.

"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 6:23

"Therefore ... let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress..." Hebrews 12: 1

Once we remove the rust, it's time to cover up the bare metal. To protect from, and to prevent future corrosion we've got to have the spiritual equivalent of Rustoleum. We need the Word of God in our lives daily. I struggle with this personally, devotional time is something that I need to make more time for. I get too caught up in plans, frustrations, and little stuff that wears down my paint. I think, like the other posts so far that's what the small voice is saying to me. Working on removing the rust isn't enough. Prevention is key, and that's what the Word is there for. That's what spending time with God and developing a prayer life and relationship is about. Finding the strength to resist the problems in the first place, and help removing the things that are starting to bubble up.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." Psalm 28:7

So I ask you.....Is there rust in your life?

One Day at a Time

"I'm only human I'm just a woman,  Help me believe in what I can be and all that I am, Show me the stairway I have to climb, Lord for my sake,  teach me to take one day at a time".....

The old song is in my  head today. It's been one of those days when things seem so overwhelming. I'm not the most patient person. I'm not saying that I expect prayers to be answered immediately, but I tend to get distracted in the time in between. When Andy and I were planning our wedding, I started praying about our home. I've always known that this trailer wouldn't last forever. This particular trailer was made in 1970. It's been a good one, but Andy and I knew we'd need to move on soon or sink some serious money into repairs here. I think they define it as a "money pit." Right now we've got holes in the roof, holes in the floor.....well you get the idea.

So we started talking and I started praying. I prayed for the home that the Lord wanted us to have. I thought at the very least that we could upgrade to something bigger, 3 bedrooms maybe?

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,neither are your ways my ways,”  declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:8

Soon after I started praying the answer came. My Uncle and Grandpa were planning to move. They asked Andy and I if we would be interested in taking over the payments for the 1998 model trailer that is just across the yard from the one we are in. The catch? It's still 2 bedrooms, and the trailer needs a lot of work. Wait, I did ask for bigger, right? Our current home is 12x60 the 98 model is 14x60. It's not much bigger, it seems small, but remembering that the Lords ways are not our own, we said we'd take it. Then the waiting started.

I wanted so badly to jump in head first, to start scrubbing, painting, and renovating.  You know the story about the grasshopper and the ant? I understood the Ant's haste in preparation for winter. I wanted everything done by the time school started. Fast forward a few months. School is scheduled to start in 20 days. Here I am, still waiting, and according to my nature, worrying.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matt 6:25-27

I need to stop. I try to stop getting anxious about this move, stop being overwhelmed by it all. The Lord's timing is perfect right?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" Philippians 4:6

It's pretty clear that worry isn't something God wants in my vocabulary. So I'm going to keep on singing. "One day at a time, Sweet Jesus..." If all I can do is pray and sing to keep my mind from worry then that's what I'll do. Prayerfully, Praising, and Trusting that he's got it covered.

A Blessed Life: remembering the past and looking to the future.

So, this is it. My first official post here on Raggedy to Retro. Honestly, I'll let you know here and now, that my thoughts are almost always random. I'm not a writer, nor will I ever claim to be. I do want to share some of my musings and experiences though, hence the decision to create this blog.

I'll start with the most recent event here in our little community. Memories of Falls Mill. For my whole life pretty much, this community reunion has been an annual event. My favorite part has always been spending time with my Great Aunts Shirley, Vi, and Ellie. What classy, beautiful, smart women they are! All of them have inspired me throughout my life. They have supported me and lifted me up, always encouraging me to do better and to live up to my potential. Unfortunately, Ellie recently suffered a stroke so the sisters weren't able to attend the reunion. Boy, did we miss them!

With my aunts and their families not in attendance, the reunion seemed small. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with my time there. That's when I met Clara and Irene. Married to distant cousins of mine, these two ladies were the highlight of my day. We sat and talked for what seemed like hours about antiques, family, and all of the blessings we've had so far. What I love about reunions like ours is the opportunity to witness first hand the blessings that come from the Lord. Generations gathered and sharing news of new births, memories of the past, and celebrating the lives of those who are no longer with us. It's inspiring to me.

I had hoped to share my own blessing with my Aunts, by introducing them to Andy. What a year it's been! The Lord has truly brought change in my life, and I couldn't wait to share it with them. I did get to introduce Andy to Clara. She shared with us how she and her husband have been married 63 years. Like us they started with very little. We can only hope to be so blessed in life and in our marriage as she and her husband have been. At the time I'm writing this we have been married 4 months. 63 years is a long time, and in this day it's hard to imagine such longevity in a marriage. It's something Andy and I look forward to, and  Lord willing we will get there.

Today I'm thinking on Proverbs 3:6 "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths" ...a pretty good scripture to start with isn't it?  So as we start this journey together, I hope we can all remember to put the Lord first and rely on his direction. I know that in life, in marriage, in writng this blog, and in building our home His direction is going to be essential. My prayer is that we  can learn and grow in the Lord, strengthening our family unit through this process. I also hope that maybe the Lord will use this blog not only to speak into my life, but to bless others as well.